leaving room

I haven't written a blog for a long time. I promised my lovely cousin I would so here it goes..
I have had my headphones on for it seems like weeks. I have been experimenting with sounds, with rhythms , with equalizers, effects, microphones and the list goes on.
I am learning.
Learning how to express the things I feel and hear within myself and get them out. Exactly how I want.
This thing I notice today is that it can be totally frustrating.
The problem is that I hear the end result...but getting to the end result is not easy. I run into problems continually. I am talking about music because it is so closely related to my heart and my life that I sometimes can't find a better way of expressing my point.
Leaving room is the hardest part of writing and recording a song, for me at least. Less is more sometimes. And usually what the song was in the beginning...is the truth. The truth lies in the origin and the heartbeat. And finding the heartbeat and KEEPING the truth of that heartbeat after I have played with buttons and knobs and ideas is what I find difficult. It is a similar creative process as writing this totally scattered blog. Finding the words in perfect order is messy when there are so many thoughts to lay down.
Today I find I have to leave room for this messiness. I have to be patient with my process. I have to take care of this little musical heartbeat as if it were a baby. Impatience only creates anxiety.
Today I will hold my creative heart with great care.
Today I will leave room. The truth then has time to find its way back to me. And if I listen really closely...the heartbeat is always there xo