The Matthew Shepherd story

I just watched this for the first time.
I can't believe I haven't watched it sooner.
Oh.my.heart. .

leaving room

I haven't written a blog for a long time. I promised my lovely cousin I would so here it goes..
I have had my headphones on for it seems like weeks. I have been experimenting with sounds, with rhythms , with equalizers, effects, microphones and the list goes on.
I am learning.
Learning how to express the things I feel and hear within myself and get them out. Exactly how I want.
This thing I notice today is that it can be totally frustrating.
The problem is that I hear the end result...but getting to the end result is not easy. I run into problems continually. I am talking about music because it is so closely related to my heart and my life that I sometimes can't find a better way of expressing my point.
Leaving room is the hardest part of writing and recording a song, for me at least. Less is more sometimes. And usually what the song was in the beginning...is the truth. The truth lies in the origin and the heartbeat. And finding the heartbeat and KEEPING the truth of that heartbeat after I have played with buttons and knobs and ideas is what I find difficult. It is a similar creative process as writing this totally scattered blog. Finding the words in perfect order is messy when there are so many thoughts to lay down.
Today I find I have to leave room for this messiness. I have to be patient with my process. I have to take care of this little musical heartbeat as if it were a baby. Impatience only creates anxiety.
Today I will hold my creative heart with great care.
Today I will leave room. The truth then has time to find its way back to me. And if I listen really closely...the heartbeat is always there xo

Paralyzed

Paralyzed.

Able to move her arms but unable to make her legs work.

Half mobile.

But immobilized.

Mute.

Not able to speak.

Thoughts.

Oh for the ability to express what is so deep in my heart.

My faith is hidden a lot of the time…. But it is there.

I have this Mute button. That is what I call it.

So much I feel but just can’t get out.

I just watched the Kings Speech. Yes.

Today I was given a new student. She starts next week.

She was in a horse accident and is now paralyzed.

I hate horses. They scare me. They always have.

A few years ago it was my new years resolution to get back on a horse.

Jesus heals the mute.

Jesus heals the paralyzed. In body, and in fear.

Healing.

I have been the one who has always said to God. That would freak me out to see that.

I am not sure I want that.

My faith is a mustard seed hidden. But it is there…

I have a mute button.

In Jesus name?

In Jesus name.....

      xo

titles are like introducing your song a.k.a. Anonymous 1

Every time I write a new blog it asks me to "title it". I feel a lot of pressure around this. Titles remind me of my least favourite thing about doing piano recitals. INTRODUCING my piece. " I am going to play _____in G by Bach" . Even worse at festival where my nerves were more shot because I was not only performing but COMPETING . I don't like titles. So from here on out....unless I have something REALLY witty to say....I will leave my titles blank. Or else name every single one "anonymous 1..2..3....4...ect"

But that is not the point of my blog. The point is to say that in my last write up I simply said I want to think bigger.
I have crazy ideas sometimes. Like dreams at night where you can fly and shoot "mind bullets"(thank-you Jesse Olsen) at objects and things.

Today I discovered two things I didn't know were possible. They are small....but BIG...in the long run.
#1. I can attach the mouse to my computer on my own. And I did. Easier? Yes.!

#2. I have been working on a musical project that I feel slightly overwhelmed by..... in other words. I have the VISION...I just am not sure if I  have the tools to put that vision together. A few pieces have fallen into place...and today I discovered my next missing piece:) In the most perfect timing ever.
I have had the feeling all along that if I GO...I will know what is to happen next. Today I feel lighter...and encouraged that thinking bigger, may be so much bigger than I could ever think or imagine that I need not worry about how it will come together...or if it will...I will just be impressed by the immaculate timing of God. Thanks:) I needed that...

Tuesday

I want to think bigger.

Just a heads up !

Hey my friends...
So working during Christmas at Starbucks makes me realize a few things...


#1. Don't drive if you don't have too.


#2. Crazy happens


#3. Be prepared to wait. Give yourself more time than you think you need. So you don't panic and have           uncontrollable road rage. Who me??? NOOOOOO.... ;)


#4. Be kind to old ladies and old men.


#5. Take time to talk to someone homeless. They have shown me things about love I would not know otherwise.


#6. Try something new! This year....I made chocolate with some new friends...and it was really fun!!!


#7. Love more. Complain less.


#8. Be thankful.


#9. Realize that this is the hardest time of the year for a large majority of the population. So extend your heart wherever possible. You never know who's day you may brighten with your smile! :D


#10.   DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. ESPECIALLY AFTER SAMPLING FREE ONES FROM THE LIQUOR STORE. You WILL get pulled over.
This happened to a unsuspecting soul/customer . Just because they are "samples"...does not mean you will not be over the limit!!




LOVE TO EVERYONE THIS SEASON. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HUG FROM ME!! xo

a penny is change too

Canadian currency can be super annoying. There must be a reason why they call it Loonies and Toonies. Let's just add some more weight to our already overflowing change purses. And you poor men! I guess that's what the sock drawer is for. That's where my Dad use to store his spare change :)
The value of change is based on the value we have placed on it. You can buy a lot more with a two dollar coin than a penny..obviously. But pennies do add up...over time. Pennies are change too.
So  taking your pennies and casually stuffing them in your ashtray perhaps saving them for a rainy day might not be a pointless idea. It just may bye you that extra cup of emergency coffee you need on that REALLY bad day when you left your wallet at home.
Change comes in small and larger amounts. But at the end of the day change is change. And over time...it adds up to something that just might brighten one bleak day!!