So often..

I realized today the benefits of waiting. So often we have no idea what is going on outside of our own little world we live in. I have been waiting for my back to heal, I have been waiting for an app. to talk to a surgeon, I have been waiting for my money to come through from short term disability so I can be sure I am able to pay rent, I have been waiting to see a woodpecker ALL summer..I finally DID see one:)

I saw the surgeon this morning and what I thought would happen didn't. I thought he would send me away and tell me to just wait it out some more.. he didn't do that. He gave me three viable options of which surgery seemed the most appropriate due to the length of time I have been off work and the amount of recovery I have had. So when I asked HOW LONG do I have to wait for surgery? He said...next week? Yup! December 8th! And assuming all goes well I should be back and operating like a machine in a couple months:)

But here is the thing that I realized..in all my impatience of phoning and not hearing back from my disability claim person I ended up talking to a lady who is filling in. She said " I am sorry for the delay, your lady is sick..and all her case files have been handed to me ". I then had a moment of compassion and understanding as to WHY I had to wait. It wasn't because they were mean .. it was because one poor woman is sick with something serious enough to pass off her files, and another poor lady is overwhelmed with the load of having MORE work piled on her.

Sometimes its just not all about us. Or me. It's more about trust ...and the ability to see.

I want to always see with eyes of compassion. And trust that always..always..always. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me. xo love

Waiting

Tomorrow I see Dr.Sun. 
I like that his name is that, I will keep that in mind when his mechanical, logical mind talks to me with little to no emotion and his matter of fact thoughts tell me what I need to know about my back. After all, I would rather science trump emotion any day when it comes to someone thinking about operating or not operating. Ultimately, I want my back to "operate" the best it can for the rest of my life. 
It has been months of waiting and also trying to be proactive where possible. I am thankful for music that has kept my mind creative, friends and family that have kept me fed and cared for, and prayers that are answered even when I least expect or deserve it. I am also thankful for provision which so far I has been sufficient enough to keep me a float. I am waiting as the transition happens to whatever... 
And because God is patient too, I will also be. 1 step , 2 step first we must crawl...walk it out..walk it out. xo love.