Internal Dialogue.

I am sure we all have it.

That conversation that goes back and forth like a ping pong ball or the wheels on the bus going round and round.....( your welcome)
The never ending internal dialogue of the mind that allows you to make decisions or stay stuck.
I have it a lot when I am writing music. Which is why I am now deciding to open up the flood gates of my soul and share it on facebook. I think what I feel is that in the past my songwriting has been laced in positivity. Everyone loves a good beat, a positive message. Something to make them FEEL good. I do ! I want that. I like that.  What we put out in the world is important. I want to put out music that makes people feel better. The problem I am having is my latest project that I have been working on for about 2 years now is more well....... I don't even have the words. I guess honestly it's just what I see. Sometimes what I FEEL and more importantly what I am inclined to write and put out. I have told my friends about it. I have been saying it for a long time now. I want everyone to know that I am going to release an album sometime within the next year....I promise. It is different then all my others. You may not like it. I am o.k. with this. I have spent hours of time...many many hours creating the beats, experimenting with all I do not know about digital audio and mostly just writing the muzings of my heart . Some of it is sad. Not all of it...but probably most of it. Don't let that stop you from listening though. I feel that if you take the time and especially now that I have warned you the journey I am hoping....will be worth the listen. My project is called "Symphony Of The Lonely" . I hope you like it . If you don't though...that's o.k. I understand. Now I have just defeated the doubts in my head by giving myself permission ...to finish this thing :) Love is still the warrior xo t

My Reminder

Lately I have been running full tilt ahead. Committing to starting a business is a life decision with great implications but BUSY ones. Seeing as though I AM my business in TanyaGillespieMusic , I have to remember that balance is really important. Yesterday I chose to take a few minutes literally out of my day and just BE. I tried to center myself, get back into what drives me. Here is what I remembered.

Although my name is my business I want my business to be about others. I want to live from the inside out and not the other way around. I want the beat inside of me to beat outside of me. 

I remembered something else. Thank you Tori Callsen. She showed up in my thoughts today. A reminder that life is short, valuable and about the little things. I pray you are at peace. 

I care about people. I can't help it. If I lost everything in this world..I hope I never ever lose the beat that is inside me. The beat to give love, live loved, and to try to understand how to simply...do it better everyday. 

The Piano

I have been thinking about the piano. The instrument that I am most familiar with, most attached to, and most advanced in. For years I felt like the piano was the voice that spoke for me the things I could not find to say. I am grateful for the gift of it. I am grateful for the gift my parents gave to me in sowing into years of lessons and recitals, time and expense for me to learn.

I often feel bad that when I do a show or a gig that I don't tend to play it much if at all. I think people wonder why sometimes. I have asked myself that question and the only answer I have come up with is this. " It's my sacred space." 

My intimate place of connection with myself, my God and everything that makes up the process of who I am in this life. This is why I have a love and sometimes hate relationship with what comes out of me on those keys. And this is why I don't often write songs for " a show" that come out of that place. Its not because I don't want to be vulnerable or show myself to all of you. As any artist knows though you have to KNOW where your boundary lines fall. What you can give away with the knowing it may not come back to you as you expect or desire. It is love. When I give it away I better make sure I am giving it away for free. No strings attached. 

Even now I don't know if this is making sense. These are simply the thoughts of my mind as I prepare to play a few shows in the next few months. Will I play piano? Maybe not...or perhaps yes. I am not sure. If it is in me, yes I will. 

I can promise this though. Guitar, Piano, Drums or just my voice. I will speak from my heart, I will love what I do, and I will give away the gift for free that has been given so graciously to me. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZK7c_OCx7Xg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

This is my new favourite song.  I am going to cover it which I don't do often. This one resonates to the core of me though...

Dear artist,

To share your art is such a vulnerability, and such a treasure. To all the artists of every kind out there, struggling to find the words, aspiring to find them, finding them now. Insert in place of "the words " a movement, a voice, a paintbrush, an idea, a screenplay. Whatever.
You are valuable. You have something to say. I...have something to say. You are brave.  You can do it. Even if you fumble for years. Even if you do it through hot tears of frustration until the freedom peaks through like a glimpse of light. And it WILL peak through.Even if you have the worst punctuation in the universe like me.
Whatever.
You have something to say in this life. You are valuable. Speak. Dance. Paint. Be brave. Be like a gentle warrior of your craft. Then fight for it. It will...be worth it. You inspire me xo

wait!!! I"M A BLOGGER!.

Are you Nash Enough?

So ya, my friend Adam Henkel is in a contest to fulfill a dream of his. Kind of like make a wish foundation except he isn't sick. Unless you use the term "sick" as in "THAT'S SICK"! Which is not actually disgusting but rather a different more backward way of saying " THAT'S AWESOME"! But I digress...
Anyway, his dream is to meet Steve Nash his basketball idol, and he has a chance to right NOW! Basically from now until January 29th his 1 minute video that he made has made it into the top 5 and is currently in 1st place and being voted on 3 times a day with OUR HELP! If he wins... he will get flown to New York City to star in a Vitamin Mineral Water commercial with his idol Steve Nash.

Why help Adam?

1. Because he would do the same for you even if he didn't know you...I know this about him.

2. He danced like no one was watching in his video.

3. He rapped like a rockstar and is talented enough to be one!

4. He has vision beyond himself and would use the exposure to inspire people and help others reach their dream

5. His Dad is Willie Wimple. If you don't know who that is that's o.k. Willie Wimple rocks.

So heres the deal...please up to 3 times a day (every 8 hours it will let you vote again)hop on the bandwagon until January 29th and VOTE VOTE VOTE.  Go to the sight by clicking on the "ARE YOU NASH ENOUGH" title at the top of this page , click the dot beside Adam Henkels video and push vote at the bottom.

You can be a part of something so cool in helping someones dream become a true reality, and it only takes a second. Well 3..actually :) For the love of the dream and social networking. Thanks and all the hugs to you ,Tanya

So often..

I realized today the benefits of waiting. So often we have no idea what is going on outside of our own little world we live in. I have been waiting for my back to heal, I have been waiting for an app. to talk to a surgeon, I have been waiting for my money to come through from short term disability so I can be sure I am able to pay rent, I have been waiting to see a woodpecker ALL summer..I finally DID see one:)

I saw the surgeon this morning and what I thought would happen didn't. I thought he would send me away and tell me to just wait it out some more.. he didn't do that. He gave me three viable options of which surgery seemed the most appropriate due to the length of time I have been off work and the amount of recovery I have had. So when I asked HOW LONG do I have to wait for surgery? He said...next week? Yup! December 8th! And assuming all goes well I should be back and operating like a machine in a couple months:)

But here is the thing that I realized..in all my impatience of phoning and not hearing back from my disability claim person I ended up talking to a lady who is filling in. She said " I am sorry for the delay, your lady is sick..and all her case files have been handed to me ". I then had a moment of compassion and understanding as to WHY I had to wait. It wasn't because they were mean .. it was because one poor woman is sick with something serious enough to pass off her files, and another poor lady is overwhelmed with the load of having MORE work piled on her.

Sometimes its just not all about us. Or me. It's more about trust ...and the ability to see.

I want to always see with eyes of compassion. And trust that always..always..always. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me. xo love